07 Oct 14, 09:00PM
![[Image: teabag-training.jpg]](http://i803.photobucket.com/albums/yy316/infrahrhed/teabag-training.jpg)
Money$hot's teabag training camp is now open!
Long awaited and after much dealing with foreign real estate brokers, paying bribes, obtaining the proper licensing and permits, and completing construction of the barracks and training grounds, I am proud to announce the opening of my 6,000 acre, state-of-the-art teabag training camp situated on Jim Jones' old compound "Jonestown" in Guyana South America.
![[Image: map_of_guyana.jpg]](http://www.lonelyplanet.com/maps/south-america/guyana/map_of_guyana.jpg)
My new facility is designed to feed, house and train up to 100 recruits. Training will be tough - the discipline brutal and I predict a wash-out rate of around 60% within the first 2 weeks.
New recruits will be issued free round-trip ticket airfare and travel expenses (yes, I will pay for your return airfare to your home country if you wash out) a uniform, a comfortable bunk and a foot locker among a few other standard issue items.
As I mentioned earlier, training will be tough and the discipline will be strict. The duration of the course will be 12 weeks. Yes, in 12 weeks I can make you a teabagging warrior if you strictly follow my teachings.
You will not be here to play games like learning to rifle sprint - you will be here to learn the ancient art of teabagging as handed down by generations of my ancestors and introduced to the ancient teabagging holy book in what you may call a sort of Kama Sutra of teabagging.
Those who do not live up to expectations will be promptly disciplined with bamboo switches and denied privileges. Following orders explicitly will be of the utmost importance. Total obedience will be expected.
Of course as you must have suspected "The Masta" will be camp commandant, and I will oversee the day-to-day operation of my camp. My duties will also include the doling out of the discipline. I will also be presiding over several daily mass lectures and teachings of which attendance by all is mandatory.
My head teabagging drill trainer will be none other than Myke Gregory. Under my guidance, he will surely whip you all into shape, teach you the basic rules of teabagging and conduct individual recruit evaluations.
Next, none other than IBb (formerly known as itsBRITNEYbitch) will be my lead nut inspector to ensure all testicular hygiene regulations are strongly adhered to. He is very picky, he will accept no excuses and he will refer you to me for discipline in a heartbeat for even the most minor infractions.
Immediately after your arrival you will be de-loused and your bag trimmed to militant specifications. If you have dread locks down there - kiss them goodbye, only clean healthy and pleasurable smelling nut will be allowed at all times.
Your training days will start off at 4am in the morning - drilling into your heads the 3 basic rules of teabagging:
- There is a 5 Dunk Minimum. 5 Full distinct and countable dunks; no jack-rabbiting
- NEVER run off of a teabag even under fire. I will teach you techniques to fight through it
- Parasitic teabagging - yes you will teabag others' kills without shame as we leave no warm faces to waste
As you advance through the course you will be taught many ancient techniques like tea-dragging, airborne dunking and ultra deep dunking.
I will teach you to lose your fear of being killed while teabagging and show you how to suppress the natural flight instinct once you come under fire while getting your teabag on. I will also teach you how to successfully teabag slowly for those 5 dunks AND get kills.
Basic nut care and hygiene will be taught to you by itsBRITNEYbitch to keep your nut in top bagging shape with your standard issue AXE Ball Detailer. You will eventually progress up to daily warm coco butter nut soaks for maximum stretch and softness.
More about the AXE Ball Detailer:
For those of you...lets say....not too gifted in the nut area, I will offer free nutsack implant augmentation surgery on site with a quick recovery time to get you back into your training ASAP. This procedure will be performed by none other than the infamous Dr. Waffles.
When (if) you make if through the heat, humidity, the bugs and snakes, abuse by Britney and Myke and the grueling training and actually graduate, you will be a proud, fierce teabagging machine, dropping nugz all over the servers like I have been doing for years.
By my estimates I have successfully teabagged over 43,000 players in my 2 or so years of playing AC. You too can have this success if you man up and join my program.
The first batch of recruits must be enrolled by November 1st 2014. If you would like to sign up just post a reply to this thread and I will PM you with travel arrangements and travel expense account #'s.
The Proud. The Few. The Teabaggers.
