02 Oct 18, 05:06AM
After a decade of playing AC, today I made a concrete decision.
All of the rage I have had over things that continue to go on in this community were once justified by the pleasure I got from the good aspects of it. At this point, the balance has not simply tipped in the other direction, but slammed down with a titanic force. I personally think that the good times are long over. There are very few legitimate players out there anymore. I've spent the better part of this evening stressing myself out over dishonest scum, and cowardly trolls. There are so many hackers, and so many that laugh about it. I can't let it into my life anymore. These people are poison, both to the game and to my health. When I find myself attempting to track down where someone lives by their IP address and what little I know about them on this game, that's when I know it's affecting me way beyond what's normal. The older members of the community partially know my background. At one point, years ago, I actually found out where someone on here lives, works, even their work schedule. I drove several hundred miles to find them. I sat outside their work for two hours, watching them. Then, I shook myself out of the moronic trance I was in, rolled my eyes at myself and how stupid and pathetic I was being, and left. That was almost 10 years ago. For the last two years, my life has transformed in so many ways. I realized that these people on here, they are just blowing off steam. They are just doing what people do when their lives are devoid of something they genuinely need, like friendship, recognition (good, or bad). Maybe they need to feel a little power over someone else, and making someone angry is how they get that. I only know one thing for sure; I don't need that in my life. Maybe I am overly sensitive about all of this. Maybe, but years of dealing with demons from things in my past have me tired of all of the angst and hateful exchanges. Why would I continue to put myself through this anymore? I have a 20 yo daughter on the president's list in nursing school, another wonderful teen daughter, a strong young son, another little girl that thinks the world of me. I have a beautiful 90 acre farm in the middle of nowhere. Jesus, I am living a dream, and some moron on another continent with the mental capacity of a prepubescent hormonal half-wit that will likely never amount to anything is affecting me this way? I can't do it anymore. I will keep AC on my laptop. I am always signed into Discord. If someone wants to schedule a match, I will play if there is a polite and respectful vibe. If I start to get stressed over anyone acting like a jackass, I'll quit mid-game. I apologize to everyone that has been a(n) (undeserving) victim of my rage over the years. I once used AC as an outlet in the same way, and have treated people in a way they didn't deserve. If I was to make a list of those people, it would be long and detailed. Hopefully you know who you are. You know if you weren't deserving of how I treated you, and to you I sincerely apologize and offer no excuse, only humility and an olive branch. To those of you that I felt deserved to be treated like I treated you, I apologize to you as well. My parents taught me better than to fight fire with fire, yet I've run headlong into angry and violent situations so many times in my life. I've taken the same approach here, and it's all just too much. The internet in general can be a poison if one indulges in the negative aspects of it. As someone who grew up without it, I see how adversely I've allowed it to affect me.
To the developers (including you, stef); If you need anything that I am capable of providing I will definitely do my best to try and help. I am useless for most things coding-wise, but I can beta test or donate time or monetarily. Contact me through Discord.
I will still maintain my position within KH as second to MorganKell, and do anything needed in that respect.
So to my friends on here that have tolerated my nuances over the years, stay in touch. I have the Discord app on my phone, so I can be reached anytime throughout the day. If I don't respond to you it may be too late, as I am usually in bed on weekdays before midnight US central time. If you catch me at a good time, schedule a friendly match through Discord, but you won't find me in pubs anymore.
https://discord.me/kellhounds
All of the rage I have had over things that continue to go on in this community were once justified by the pleasure I got from the good aspects of it. At this point, the balance has not simply tipped in the other direction, but slammed down with a titanic force. I personally think that the good times are long over. There are very few legitimate players out there anymore. I've spent the better part of this evening stressing myself out over dishonest scum, and cowardly trolls. There are so many hackers, and so many that laugh about it. I can't let it into my life anymore. These people are poison, both to the game and to my health. When I find myself attempting to track down where someone lives by their IP address and what little I know about them on this game, that's when I know it's affecting me way beyond what's normal. The older members of the community partially know my background. At one point, years ago, I actually found out where someone on here lives, works, even their work schedule. I drove several hundred miles to find them. I sat outside their work for two hours, watching them. Then, I shook myself out of the moronic trance I was in, rolled my eyes at myself and how stupid and pathetic I was being, and left. That was almost 10 years ago. For the last two years, my life has transformed in so many ways. I realized that these people on here, they are just blowing off steam. They are just doing what people do when their lives are devoid of something they genuinely need, like friendship, recognition (good, or bad). Maybe they need to feel a little power over someone else, and making someone angry is how they get that. I only know one thing for sure; I don't need that in my life. Maybe I am overly sensitive about all of this. Maybe, but years of dealing with demons from things in my past have me tired of all of the angst and hateful exchanges. Why would I continue to put myself through this anymore? I have a 20 yo daughter on the president's list in nursing school, another wonderful teen daughter, a strong young son, another little girl that thinks the world of me. I have a beautiful 90 acre farm in the middle of nowhere. Jesus, I am living a dream, and some moron on another continent with the mental capacity of a prepubescent hormonal half-wit that will likely never amount to anything is affecting me this way? I can't do it anymore. I will keep AC on my laptop. I am always signed into Discord. If someone wants to schedule a match, I will play if there is a polite and respectful vibe. If I start to get stressed over anyone acting like a jackass, I'll quit mid-game. I apologize to everyone that has been a(n) (undeserving) victim of my rage over the years. I once used AC as an outlet in the same way, and have treated people in a way they didn't deserve. If I was to make a list of those people, it would be long and detailed. Hopefully you know who you are. You know if you weren't deserving of how I treated you, and to you I sincerely apologize and offer no excuse, only humility and an olive branch. To those of you that I felt deserved to be treated like I treated you, I apologize to you as well. My parents taught me better than to fight fire with fire, yet I've run headlong into angry and violent situations so many times in my life. I've taken the same approach here, and it's all just too much. The internet in general can be a poison if one indulges in the negative aspects of it. As someone who grew up without it, I see how adversely I've allowed it to affect me.
To the developers (including you, stef); If you need anything that I am capable of providing I will definitely do my best to try and help. I am useless for most things coding-wise, but I can beta test or donate time or monetarily. Contact me through Discord.
I will still maintain my position within KH as second to MorganKell, and do anything needed in that respect.
So to my friends on here that have tolerated my nuances over the years, stay in touch. I have the Discord app on my phone, so I can be reached anytime throughout the day. If I don't respond to you it may be too late, as I am usually in bed on weekdays before midnight US central time. If you catch me at a good time, schedule a friendly match through Discord, but you won't find me in pubs anymore.
https://discord.me/kellhounds
