27 Nov 14, 01:52AM
I awoke this morning with my balls throbbing like headaches, and they were almost blue. I immediately summoned Dr. Waffles to investigate or run some tests or some shit to find out what the hell was wrong with my damned nut.
After some painful hands on examination (and I wondered if that traitorous little bastard was being too rough on me on purpose), a few listens here and there with his stethoscope and finally he was able to make a tentative diagnosis: Porra Depletion.
I was trying to eat as much protein as I could in my diet and not allow any one recruit or staff member to suckle to long, but obviously that was not enough and I became porra deficient. Obviously it didn't help having that damned Bed Intruder itsBRITNEYbitch climbing in my window, snatching my nut up the other night and gorging on god only knows how much porra until I finally awoke and beat him off me.
Dr. Waffles prescribed me some pills called "Super Load" and said that Peter North manufactures them and that they should double the amount of porra produced in my sack. However, it might take up to a week to take full effect. Unfortunately going forward, I will be strictly rationing my porra to the troops. Any more than 2 swallows and you will get Masta's stick to your cranium, as I cannot wake up like this again.
I had to stay in my hut all day with a hot water bottle on my nut and conduct my morning sermon and teachings over the loudspeaker system -which is far less effective than in person where I can beat those not listening or falling asleep.
I'm sure the Brazilians are having a fit and getting porra withdrawal symptoms already. They will just have to suffer it out like men and wait a day or two for me to regenerate enough porra to begin rationing.
Had I known this problem would arise I would have been storing and dehydrating my porra for months into instant porra powder...prolly call it something like Porra-tine or some shit, since Nutella is already taken for another product.
I will be at tomorrow morning's sermon but will have personal guards to prevent anyone from bum rushing me to get a quick suckle in despite an assured stick to the head. People with porra fever get crazy like that.
Hang in there troops, the porra will be flowing soon.
Kirk Out.
After some painful hands on examination (and I wondered if that traitorous little bastard was being too rough on me on purpose), a few listens here and there with his stethoscope and finally he was able to make a tentative diagnosis: Porra Depletion.
I was trying to eat as much protein as I could in my diet and not allow any one recruit or staff member to suckle to long, but obviously that was not enough and I became porra deficient. Obviously it didn't help having that damned Bed Intruder itsBRITNEYbitch climbing in my window, snatching my nut up the other night and gorging on god only knows how much porra until I finally awoke and beat him off me.
Dr. Waffles prescribed me some pills called "Super Load" and said that Peter North manufactures them and that they should double the amount of porra produced in my sack. However, it might take up to a week to take full effect. Unfortunately going forward, I will be strictly rationing my porra to the troops. Any more than 2 swallows and you will get Masta's stick to your cranium, as I cannot wake up like this again.
I had to stay in my hut all day with a hot water bottle on my nut and conduct my morning sermon and teachings over the loudspeaker system -which is far less effective than in person where I can beat those not listening or falling asleep.
I'm sure the Brazilians are having a fit and getting porra withdrawal symptoms already. They will just have to suffer it out like men and wait a day or two for me to regenerate enough porra to begin rationing.
Had I known this problem would arise I would have been storing and dehydrating my porra for months into instant porra powder...prolly call it something like Porra-tine or some shit, since Nutella is already taken for another product.
I will be at tomorrow morning's sermon but will have personal guards to prevent anyone from bum rushing me to get a quick suckle in despite an assured stick to the head. People with porra fever get crazy like that.
Hang in there troops, the porra will be flowing soon.
Kirk Out.