Old Eps

[DrauL]

This is the original thread that I made that has information about the characters

I was going through my old 80GB HDD and I found some old eps, ones only half done but I just stopped when I got bored and looked over them and they were shit.

Unless someone has Ep 2 it is lost to the void of pastebin and here is Ep 1, Ep 3 and half of 4. If I ever get around to re-writing the others I will post more I guess.

Yes, this is the shit that runs through my head at random times.

Ep 1

[SELECT ALL] Code:

Ep 1 - Memories

    (Standing on the RVSF side of the bridge)

HUNTER - Should we go across?
JONES  - I don't know, boss said not too.
HUNTER - Boss says a lot of things. He says don't nade jump, but we do that.
JONES  - Yeah. But remember what happened to Rys?

    *FLASHBACK*
    (standing in AC Complex; corner with barrel near RVSF)

RYS    - Hey! Guys! Guess what i found out!
JONES  - (sarcasticly) What did you find out Rys?
RYS    - Nade Jumping!!
HUNTER - What the hell is that?
RYS    - Well you get a grenade (runs over and pick one up from under the bridge and come back)
RYS    - Then you pull the pin for 2 seconds.
HUNTER - Onnnne
JONES  - Twwwoo
    
    (RYS throws grenade on the ground)

RYS    - And you jump when it hits three seconds.
HUNTER - Shouldn't you jum-
    
    (Grenade explodes gibbing RYS)

HUNTER - Uhhhhh
JONES  - Maybe we should clean up, Hunter.... Hunter?
    
    (JONES turns around and HUNTER is running inside)
    
    (JONES looks around and after seeing no one there, teabags RYS's body)

JONES  - Ohhhhhh Yeahhhhhhh
    *END FLASHBACK*

HUNTER - That's disgusting!
JONES  - (stuttering) O-O-Oh, W-Whoops, i wasn't s-supposed to say that bit.
HUNTER - Never mind now, i just saw something in that window!
JONES  - Really? I will look through my sniper rifle, my vision isnt very good.
    
    (looking through the scope you see JONES zoom in on the window)

JONES  - (while looking through scope) I don't see anything.... Oh wait, its not a something its a someone!
HUNTER - Yeah? Let me look.
JONES  - I just cleaned my sniper rifle, use your own.
HUNTER - I've only got a SMG.
JONES  - So what? Use ironsights, its better than nothing.
HUNTER - They won't give us ironsights.
JONES  - Who's they?
    
    (BOSS walks up the stairs)

BOSS   - JONES! HUNTER! What the heeeelll are you two doing!
JONES  - We were looking over the bridge, and we think we saw someone. Well i think i saw someone, through the sniper rifle.
    
    (BOSS who walked up with a Shotgun, changes to his pistol and shoots JONES in the foot)

JONES  - What did you do that for?!
BOSS   - That was a bad use of the Rifle!
JONES  - But you said (lowers voice to imitate BOSS) "If you have to use the Sniper Rifle in a     non-combat situation, use it for viewing across long distances!".
    
    (BOSS shoots JONES in the foot again)

JONES  - What did you do that for?!
BOSS   - (gruffly) I would never say anything like that!
    
    (JONES just stares at him without talking)
    
    (BOSS shoots him in the foot again)

JONES  - Oww! What did I do this time!
BOSS   - I just dont like you. Now come on, both of you. There is a pallet that needs moving and     im too obviously to important to do it.

    (HUNTER and JONES both sigh)


    (Camera flys over to rvsf base, where TED and RUSTY are standing next to their lockers)


RUSTY  - Like my new Carbine? Had it shipped from Africa!
TED    - Oh yeah? Like my Assault Rifle? I did your mom with it.
    
    (RUSTY knives TED)

TED    - God damn it, you just stabbed me.
RUSTY  - Well don't talk about my mother like that.
TED    - Fine. Wait here, im going to go get a MediPack.
RUSTY  - Yeah, whatever, the Sarge should be here soon though, so hurry up.
    
    (TED goes to walk around the corner, but SARGE comes around at the same time. They bump into each other.)

SARGE  - Watch where your going Ted!
TED    - Im sorry, sir. I was just going to get a MediPack and-
SARGE  - I don't care if you were going to rescue your mommy from a fire, you do not, i repeat NOT, walk into me. It took me         4 and a half hours to iron this uniform.
TED    -(muttering) Your mom took 4 and a half hours to iron.
SARGE  - What did you say?!
TED    - I said, My bomb took 4 and a half hours to try on. It was an outfit. For the party. Right Rusty?
RUSTY  - Yeah, yeah. The party. That one, with the people. They were dancing and stuff...
SARGE  - Oh. I thought you said something about my mother dearest.
TED    - No, no, I wouldn't say anything about her.
RUSTY  - Not a word.
TED    - Ever.
SARGE  - Alright, you two. Just shut up already. Follow me, i need you to move some barrels.
    
    (Walks them over to the building opposite)

SARGE  - In here, just move those extremly flamable barrels. See the flammable sign, yeah, not a lie. Careful, the one on its     side has a hole in it. As long as you don't cause a spark it will be okay.
RUSTY  - Sounds easy enough. Were wearing cloth, so that won't spark.
SARGE  - Oh, right. I forgot to mention, high command wants you to wear these spark bracelets. Adds a little flare. Hehe.         Flare.
TED    - Eeeep.

    (SARGE walks back out laughing)

RUSTY  - Sarge can get screwed, i'm not moving any flammable crap.
TED    - Yeah, me either. I'm going to have a look around, i havn't been in here.

    (TED slowly walks up the stairs, followed by RUSTY)

TED    - Hey Rusty, its the other side of the complex!
RUSTY  - Wow, its pretty big. Why won't Sarge let us over there?
TED    - Apprently, there are lions and tigers and bears.
RUSTY  - Oh my.
TED    - I have idea, lets go up into that corridor. There is a ladder and everything.
RUSTY  - I also have an idea. Lets nade jump up the stairs!
TED    - Your a fucking moron. We don't have any armour on, we would get killed.
RUSTY  - We could get some armour. There were helmets back near the lockers.
TED    - Shut. The. Fuck. Up. We are climbing the ladder. No nades. I don't have a death wish like     you.
    (They walk outside and up the ladder.)
TED    - Walking down past the window. I was right. I told you this was boring. Lets go.
RUSTY  - Hey. I didnt say anything like that.
TED    - Thats not how i remember it.

    *FLASHBACK*

RUSTY  - Hey Rusty, its the other side of the complex!
TED    - Wow, its pretty big. Why won't Sarge let us over there?
RUSTY  - Apprently, there are lions and tigers and bears.
TED    - Oh my.
RUSTY  - I have idea, lets go up into that corridor. There is a ladder and everything.
TED    - I also have an idea. Lets nade jump up the stairs!
RUSTY  - Your a fucking moron. We don't have any armour on, we would get killed.
TED    - We could get some armour. There were helmets back near the lockers.
RUSTY  - Shut. The. Fuck. Up. We are climbing the ladder. No nades. I don't have a death wish like     you.
    
    *END FLASHBACK*

TED    - And thats what happened.
RUSTY  - Your lucky your cute.
TED    - Thanks, hey, im dusty. Are you dusty? A shower would be good right about now...

Ep 3

[SELECT ALL] Code:

Ep 3 - What the hell is Akimbo?

(The corridor where Akimbo is viewed from the RVSF side.)
(shot of just HUNTER)
HUNTER - JONES!
(Shot of just JONES)
JONES  - What?
(Shot of just HUNTER)
HUNTER - JONES!!
(Shot of just JONES)
JONES  - WHAT?
(Shot of just HUNTER)
HUNTER - JONNNNNNEEEEESS!
(Shot of just JONES)
JONES  - WHAAAAT!?

(Zoom out from JONES to see HUNTER right beside him.)

HUNTER - Hey there buddy.
JONES  - I have been here next to you the whole time.
HUNTER - Do you ever feel like we are being watched?
JONES  - Yes. I was in the shower an-
HUNTER - That, was me.
JONES  - Riiiiight...

(Zoom out a little more to see BOSS standing behind them)

BOSS   - You should be thankful anyone wants to look at you Jones.
JONES  - (sarcasticly) Yes Boss.
BOSS   - Do you want to clean the latrines Private?
JONES & HUNTER - (TOGETHER) We have latrines?
BOSS   - I do. They're off the complex.
HUNTER - You're allowed off complex?
BOSS   - Of course.
JONES  - Are we?
BOSS   - Of course not. Why would I let you off complex? We're guarding this for a reason.
HUNTER - What reason sir?
BOSS   - Uh. Well. That a GREAT question and I WOULD answer it but I have to go scrub the      floors. And by ME I mean YOU.
JONES  - (sighs)

(BOSS pulls out his pistol)

JONES  - Righteo, off to it then.
BOSS   - (Chuckles)

(All three walk  around the corner to their respective base, when RUSTY, TED and SARGE Come around the corner. RUSTY walks into the Akimbo. Auto equips it and steps back)

RUSTY  - What the hell was that!
TED    - That's what your mom said buddy.
RUSTY  - Ted, seriously. If I didn't know any better I would say two pistols just flew into      my hands.

(TED walks around and looks at RUSTYS hands)

TED    - Oh man, thats just Akimbo.
RUSTY  - What the hell is Akimbo?
TED    - Dual Pistols.
RUSTY  - Cool. I wonder why it chose me....
TED    - No dude, you just picked it up. (Like I picked up you mom) (laughs)
RUSTY  - (Not listening) It probably chose me because I'm the best member of this ragtag      group of commandos.
SARGE  - Rusty, you two got picked for this assignment because you accidently assassinated
     French president!

(Everyone stands there awkwardly for a FEW SECONDS)

TED    - (coughs)

(SARGE walks around the corner, while THE OTHERS stand around looking around awkwardly. Maybe jump or crouch around? Whistling?)

SARGE  - (In a loud whisper, talking to someone unknown.) I thought we had a cut away for that! What do you mean Twintowers wouldn't load? Jesus. I give you one job mate. You couldn't even download a map for a cutaway! That was going to be good too. I don't care if you're SORRY!

(Gibs fly around the corner, "HEADSHOT" plays, SARGE walks back around the corner)

RUSTY  - Ahh. Sarge, is there someone else here?
SARGE  - NO! OF COURSE NOT. THIS IS AN ISOLATED COMPLEX!
RUSTY  - Then WHY am I stepping in ribcage?
SARGE  - (As the gibs dissapear) Your not.
TED    - Rusty I think that Akimbo power went straight to your head.
RUSTY  - Are you saying I'm on a powertrip?
SARGE  - No way, your not a forum moderator. (Chuckles)
TED and RUSTY - (TOGETHER) Huh? What?
SARGE  - Nevermind, just nevermind. I think you two need to go clean the latrines!
TED    - Since when did we get latrines?

(END)

Ep 4 (Start off)

[SELECT ALL] Code:

Ep 4 - RVSF Recruit, CLA Prisoner, Dark Day

(BOSS addressing JONES and HUNTER)

BOSS            -   The latrines are clean yes?
JONES  & HUNTER  -   (TOGETHER) SIR YES SIR
BOSS            -   Those pallets were moved?
JONES  & HUNTER  -   (TOGETHER) SIR YES SIR
BOSS            -   Your guns are clean?
JONES  & HUNTER  -   (TOGETHER) SIR YES SIR
BOSS            -   (SHOUTS) ARE YOU PREPARED TO DIE?
JONES  & HUNTER  -   (TOGETHER) SIR YES SIR.
JONES           -    Wait, die? Really? This place is abandoned. Isn't it?
BOSS            -    Why yes Hunter, You can meet the new recruit!
HUNTER          -    What new recruit, sir?
JONES         -    The one you just asked him about, moron!

(CAMERA FOCUSES ON JUST BOSS)

BOSS         -    Sometimes I actually wonder if Jones is all there in the head, ya know? No sane person would actually be on board with that blatent trick.
              It wasn't even subtle at all. (Sigh)

(CAMERA GOES BACK TO ORGINAL ANGLE)

HUNTER         -    Sir, who were you talking to?
BOSS         -    That was a *insert word for type of internal monolouge other characters can't hear, here*. Pay no attention.
JONES          -    OH! OH! I wan't a *same word from before*

(CAMERA FOCUSES ONTO JONES)

JONES         -    My life began 18 years and 4 months ago, on a bright wednesday morning. Or so I was told. You see my ma'.... (fade out his voice and fade to black)

(TITLE CARD - 13 HOURS LATER)

JONES         -    And that basically catches everyone up with everything in my life up til now.
BOSS & HUNTER    -    (SNORE LOUDLY)
JONES         -    Awww, they didn't even listen. (Sigh)
JOHNNY         -    I listened to your life story Jones, don't fret.

If anyone gets a laugh out of either I will be happy haha. too bad I never had the time to get these animated/acted/voiced/whatever.

AC love <3