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I hereby begin the AssaultCube jokes and puns thread. Corny jokes welcome and sometimes even encouraged.
What do cows and cool people have in common?
They all love a salt cube!
Why was flowtron upset?
Because Brahma kept MakkE-ing fun of him!
Why couldn't eihrul find the new idents?
Because they got dumped down the driAn!
Why did Apollo purchase an Alpaca from one of the devs' mothers?
To relieve the Brahma mama llama drama.
What did Bukz say when he got shot?
$arg1
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You have too much time on your hands.
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Back in 2009 I posted some story in the Vanilla forums. Anyway, I'll reiterate it. So back then, I met tipper, Nighthawk (back when he was in C=64, and after the time when he was called 8bit), and MorganKell in an inter. We were running around playing in ac_depot, with lots of intense fragging and flagging. Being all worn out, they decided to eat lunch during the intermission.
So tipper takes out his lunchbox, takes one look at the pasta, and cries out with disgust (in the most formal, insightful way of course), "YUCK! Pasta again? If I get pasta again tomorrow, I am going to end my life."
Nighthawk grabs his lunchbox out of his bag, and finds a baked potato. Mortified by the appalling sight, he swears, "If I get baked potato again tomorrow, I'm going to commit suicide."
MorganKell then reaches deep into his backpack to eat his lunch--ham and cheese sandwiches. Greatly disappointed, and also loathing, he stands up and shouts, "HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICHES?!? SUBWAY!?!?! AGAIN!?!?! IF I GET THIS STUFF TOMORROW, I'MMA GO KILL MYSELF!"
So the next day comes, and they're intering again, with plenty of frags and gibs. The music plays, and it's the intermission.
Tipper, upon taking out his lunchbox, and finding the pasta AGAIN, follows through on his oath, throwing a grenade to the wall to bounce back into his own face and thus killing himself.
Nighthawk, upon taking out his lunchbox, and finding the potatoes AGAIN, follows through on his oath, throwing a grenade to the wall to bounce back into his own face and thus killing himself.
MorganKell, upon taking out his lunchbox, and finding the ham and cheese sandwiches AGAIN, follows through on his oath, throwing a grenade to the wall to bounce back into his own face and thus killing himself.
A few days later, there was a funeral for the dearly departed. I do recall Drakas as DJ playing Kylie Minogue remixes, along with dancing dogs, and Emoposer giving a very poignant eulogy for Morgan. I even saw Undead cry.
Now of course, their mothers were there too. Tipper's mom walked up to his cask, weeping, "Oh Tipper! If only I knew you were sick of pasta! I could have given you rice!"
Nighthawk's mother, too, dragged herself up to the dead body of her son. She sobbed, "Oh Nighthawk! If only I knew you were sick of baked potatoes! I could have given you pork chops!"
However, MorganKell's mother was silent. The two other moms look at her.
"What?" She asks. "He made his own lunches."
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What does a cube do in AssaultCube?
Nothing. What would you expect from a cube?
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Joined: Aug 2010
hahahahahahahahahahaha.......
"What did Bukz say when he got shot?
$arg1 "
Posts: 3,780
Threads: 33
Joined: Jun 2010
Why did Undead go to the post office?
To check his Mael!
Why did BC|Wolf win first prize at the fair?
For his DogDancing!
What did Gibstick script in his dreams?
sleep 28800000 [connect]
Why didn't it work?
He got AFK kicked.
Who did Drakas have to use a can opener to recruit?
w00p|Ass!
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06 Sep 10, 01:13PM
(This post was last modified: 06 Sep 10, 01:51PM by Gibstick.)
(06 Sep 10, 01:12PM)DES|V-Man Wrote: What did Gibstick script in his dreams?
sleep 28800000 [connect]
Why didn't it work?
He got AFK kicked. LOLOLOL
What did Gibstick Ronald_Reagan say when he got shot?
$arg26
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I love how DES|V-Man includes people in his joke P:
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"DES|V-Man Wrote:AssaultCube Jokes
Drakas
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06 Sep 10, 09:26PM
(This post was last modified: 06 Sep 10, 09:26PM by Undead.)
(05 Sep 10, 11:00PM)DES|V-Man Wrote: Corny jokes
w00p|Korn is a joke
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Threads: 33
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Why did everyone think Orynge was from the South?
Because of his DrauL.
Why couldn't BC|Acropolips leave his keyboard?
Because he was in a /bind!
Why did evanzo23's ratio go down when he de-cluttered his computer?
He de-fragged HardDrive.
Why were the devs confused about the bug report?
It was filed by noerrorsfound.
What is Gibstick's favorite drink?
Lemo-Nade!
How did MorganKell get 100% on the quiz?
He peeked at th3answ=r.
Which AssaultCuber has starred on Sesame Street multiple times?
BigC.
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(06 Sep 10, 10:58PM)DES|V-Man Wrote: Why did everyone think Orynge was from the South?
Because of his DrauL.
GG.
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Why is MusicMan10 a spastic?
Because he saw a GhostE_.
But it was only an ILLUSOIN.
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What should you do when a waitress does a good job?
tipper.
Why is a noob server like the Australian outback?
Lots of ac_desert.
What is long and skinny, and has foam coming out of it?
A Rabid Viper.
Why was Robtics crying?
His sensitivity was at 600.
How did Mr.Floppy shoot TheCrema from across the map?
He had a cleanshot.
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(07 Sep 10, 07:13AM)DES|V-Man Wrote: ...
What is long and skinny, and has foam coming out of it?
A Rabid Viper.
Why was Robtics crying?
His sensitivity was at 600.
How did Mr.Floppy shoot TheCrema from across the map?
He had a cleanshot. LMAO
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Why did JMM gib an unarmed?
Because they were playing a gema!
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(07 Sep 10, 07:13AM)DES|V-Man Wrote: What should you do when a waitress does a good job?
tipper.
Why is a noob server like the Australian outback?
Lots of ac_desert.
What is long and skinny, and has foam coming out of it?
A Rabid Viper.
Why was Robtics crying?
His sensitivity was at 600.
How did Mr.Floppy shoot TheCrema from across the map?
He had a cleanshot.
ROFL
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Why did GeneralDisarray get offended when Halo invited him over for afternoon tea?
Halo provided the teabags.
Why was Atrimos disqualified from the race?
He kept strafe-running.
Why was Panda disqualified from the triathlon?
He kept rifle-jumping.
Why was Undead disqualified from the high-jump?
He kept crouch-jumping.
Why is that so bad?
It was 1.0.4 back then.
Why was Emoposer's mom sad?
Emoposer tried to nade-jump.
Why was mykegregory sad?
He wasn't invited to Halo's tea party.
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(07 Sep 10, 08:14PM)DES|V-Man Wrote: ...
Why was Emoposer's mom sad?
Emoposer tried to nade-jump.
...
hahhahah nice one
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Why should you bring firewood when going to a match against V-Man?
Camping trip!
What else should you bring to a camping trip?
Grenades.
Why shouldn't you bring processed meat?
You can get blacklisted for spam!
What is jamz most well-known for in the AC community?
His greputation.
If u live in California, but u ain't RVSF, what r u?
U CLA.
What if u in charge of a whole clan?
U|Zarj.
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I like this thread :D
DES|V-Jokes with some others!
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Why is Undead so lonely?
There's only oNe of him!
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(but actually, isn't there two?)
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No Ronald, no. The other one is some spastic fake with an all caps name (which makes him spastic) and abuses IRC admin like a mofo. No questions. Talk to the KH forums!
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:P MM10 is definitely not oNe.
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Why did Brett get put on the blacklist?
His screenshots were hosted by Images Hack!
Why did the FBI arrest Godsmack?
He shot Ronald_Reagan!
What is the name of the fish-shaped map DaRealRocky is improving?
Betta_Betta_Beta
What was the first thing R4zor said when he decided to build a new house?
/edittoggle
Why were the doctors so concerned when Ruthless stubbed his toe?
It was during a round of OSOK.
How many Kellhounds does it take to change a light bulb?
Probably just one, but he'd better get MakkE's permission first!
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Why was DES|V-Man banned from AC forums?
Spam!
U know this one :
In the beginning there was the computer
*File Description:*
THE CREATION:
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said. . . .
%Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
%God
#Enter password.
%Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
%Technocrat
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
%Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Create light
#Done
%Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
%Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
%Create firmament
#Done.
%Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
%Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let
the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
%Create dry_land
#Done.
%Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
%Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
#Unspecified type. Try again.
%Create sun_moon_stars
#Done
%Run sun_moon_stars
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
%Create fish
#Done
%Create fowl
#Done
%Run fish, fowl
#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that
creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged
fowl after its kind.
And God saw there were 0 errors.
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Not really a joke, but still very funny, see his app ;)
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What do you call it when DES|V-Man bans you off a IRC server?
V-Lined
What do you call it when he only bans you off of #DedicatedEliteSoldiers?
DES|V-Lined
What do you call it when MusicMan10 bans you?
Normal occurrence.
How do you get MusicMan10 to Op you?
Troll him.
What do you call it when Ronald_Reagan bans you?
Accident, rejoin in about an hour (after he figures out how to unban you).
This is my contribution. Not the best :P
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